Michal's HeadlinesThis Planet

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Bielsko-Biala, Poland

Photographs by Michal Slaby
A map showing Bielsko-Biala's position within Silesia
Bielsko-Biała lies in the corner of Silesia
Margo behind a tree

This Planet, a cultural introduction

Getting to know the words from all angles...

Michal declines to consider the soundness of complementing his epic Fiction Corpus with some truly brilliant halloween stories; cites fatigueDictionary icon

I don't doubt the soundness of exploiting English as everybody's second language. I don't regard highly the sterile style in which the English language is presented for study.Pointer

Perfecting a person's familiarity with a language isn't like creating a faster boat. A language - a spoken tongue - isn't merely an instrument that you can learn to use with greater amounts of precision. A living tongue can not be torn from the philosophical currents of a society of which it is a description. A language isn't recited; it happens - and keeps happening as long as a circle of people keeps using it.

Teaching a pupil to recite English is to cheat her out of its cultural context. A worthy educator must find a way to introduce it; the discerning student ventures out to seek it.

A dictionary can be an influential tool. A decent dictionary will describe a language based on a particular corpus, a body of written works of varying scope and consistency. A corpus might include everything from a book about literature to some good fiction. I watched many moons pass laboring on my "immense" Fiction Corpus to form a new genre of dictionary based on the ability of one man to tell a story in many different forms. It is a labor of love and listening.

I have molded a million words and I have tabulated them, reshaping them - not simply to teach a tongue but to reveal the human spirit, and to goad that soul or spirit not just to recite but to happen.

Michal's Dictionary Navigation

Artifacts, fuels, and persons: Definitions in Michal's FictionPointer

More: Places

Common places appearing frequently in Michal's Corpus

Michal's Dictionary:
Understanding the words This Planet

A word can represent many things. First and foremost it represents a type of gesture. A specific way of speaking. A specific way of inscribing a mark. A specific way of moving your hand. To know one of these kinds of gestures is to know how to pronounce the words this planet in some kind of way.

If you want to communicate an idea using the words this planet, you will need to know what other people are made to think when you make the gesture. You will never have complete awareness of or control over the associations or identities that are invoked by a set of words, but you can know what was and what is a single word's jointly accepted definition, at least for a given place, thereby tracing a direction which will help you to understand what kinds of associations and identities are driving its use.

By using the word yourself, you enter into a long-standing albeit oftentimes unconscious debate over its definition, forever entangling yourself into the history of its use. The way you use it, and which other words you use it with carries weight.

The more you know about where the words this planet are located in the fabric of a language, the better you will be at exploiting their cultural power.

Pronunciation of This PlanetMargo on a trampoline

I have yet to publish a pronunciation for the words "this planet."

Video of me pronouncing "this planet."

Definition of This PlanetMargo on a trampoline

The term this planet refers to the place where most humans are born and live out their entire lives as opposed to some people who seem to come from someplace else. See crazy and different.

Common use of this planet in illustrative example sentencesMargo on a trampoline

  1. He is not from this planet.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  2. They found this planet orbiting the star closest to our solar system. They say it could have water.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  3. I have yet to come up with a third sentence using the words "this planet."

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  4. I have yet to come up with a fourth sentence using the words "this planet."

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  5. I have yet to come up with a fifth sentence using the words "this planet."

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  6. I have yet to come up with a sixth sentence using the words "this planet."

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  7. I have yet to come up with a seventh sentence using the words "this planet."

    Audio of me saying the sentence:

Usage of This Planet in Michal's Fiction CorpusMargo on a trampoline

An image of young Michal sitting on a potty in front of a typewriter

Michal's Fiction Corpus of Acceptance Literature (FiCAL) is presented under the Bare Bottom imprint. It is currently comprised of six bodies of work, each representing a different pillar of culture and incorporating a wide variety of writhing styles.

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This Planet, a morphological approach

I have yet to make a morphological analysis of the words "this planet."

That doesn't mean it's not high on my list.

Table of Frequency for the Words "This Planet."

This table lists in descending order the total number of times that the words "this planet" and any of their morphological derivations appear in the Fiction Corpus, along with a breakdown of frequency by title, the respective rank of each word or set of words in the complete list of all words in the Corpus, as calculated both densely and competitively, as well as the percent increase in frequency of the words over the frequency of the next lowest rank in the complete list.

Margo stretching her arms
Percent Increase over next rankRANKWORDFrequency
TOTAL # of occurencesMCDONALDSJESUSSEXTSIGAJACKSONDINGBATS
densecompetitivemodern/sloppybiblical/tersepoetic/high-browhard/fasttalkymixed salad
-----------
I have yet to publish the table of frequency for the words "this planet," but I will get to it shortly. -Michal

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Usage of This Planet in Death to McDonalds

An aerial view of Dodger Stadium in the foreground, with an imaginary partially submerged Los Angeles behind

A story bible for a comic book series set in a post climate-change California narrated by eight characters who live through a natural disaster that sinks Los Angeles and triggers a war with an expansionist Mexican government covertly supported by China.

Author's Note

"This Planet" does not make an appearance in Death to Mcdonalds.

Michal Slaby

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Usage of This Planet in The Gospel of Jesus H.

A picture of the planet Mars

An experimental science fiction Christology that makes Jesus the hard boiled narrator of his own early years on a bizarro earth made dark by volcanic ash and informally ruled by a man from Mars who sells bottled air.

"We had no reason to believe that their revolution would threaten this planet."

Verse 288 from the chapter called Bohemia

"What the fuck is this?" continued the Krupnik. "You know what this is? This is the fuckin' line to the goddamn checkpoint. We're gonna be here for fuckin' two hours or more. When we cross this bridge, you can wave hello to the goddamn howitzers. What the fuck is going on? This planet: it's madness. This is worse than usual - and usually, it's pretty fuckin' bad. That Lipski's gonna have to pay for this - goddamn it: it's not his fault. It's the goddamn situation. It's fuckin' terrorists, outer-space pirates, American interests - goddamn it. It's a good thing this city has a moat - if not for that, fuckin' Lipski wouldn't know where to put his troops. I can read him like a goddamn book. Once we shoot around on this bypass, we can ram ourselves up his goddamn ass. Why do you think I left the hood red? That's a sign for the terrorists. This way, they won't shoot us. Goddamn it! Welcome to the fuckin' party, boy. I hope you like it."

Verse 123 from the chapter called Arms

Jesus went to the newly installed Ministers of Justice and said, "What the fuck is going on? I can't get off this planet."

Verse 221 from the chapter called Vows

"See, cousin," said Jesus, "what kind of people have come to rule this land. When you threatened SECURITA with exposure, not a single honest man came forward, despite the fact that knowledge of our existence had to reach the highest circles before our uniforms were granted. It was treason they had to hide - if not their own, then somebody else's. We're a state secret, cousin. You think we'll survive long on this planet? They want our heads. We're a liability - just like Leonard Cohen-Krupnik, the richest man in Poland - but not for long. Soon, his wealth will fall to his eldest son, Sacha. We cannot even contemplate the possible motives, but, for some reason, Hitler Panzer-Tank the Third has purchased the sudden death of his would-be son-in-law's father.

Verse 1114 from the chapter called Security

"That's who's in charge of deciding what this planet does."

Verse 291 from the chapter called Bohemia

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Usage of This Planet in Sex for Children

A drawing of a man between a woman's legs in front of another man in a hospital bed

A literature book narrated by a pair of siblings on either side of the Atlantic whose profoundly weird sexual experiences pose a serious challenge to their traditional understanding of mathematicians, marriage, gay young men and God.

OLYMP: Andrea? Can I ask you a question?

ANDY: Yes, of course you can.

OLYMP: What's heaven like?

ANDY: What's heaven like? Well, I don't know: I've never been there.

OLYMP: I know, but: you have an idea, don't you?

ANDY: Well, of course, I have an idea.

OLYMP: Then what do you think?

ANDY: Well, I think it's a lot like this place.

OLYMP: What do you mean?

ANDY: I mean this place: this planet.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 6, The Sixth Day, Part 1, Children & Education Reform, Section 2, Discussing Heaven with a Child, Paragraphs 1-10

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Usage of This Planet in Tsiga Tsiga Tsiga

Bullets whizzing by a statue of Nikola Tesla

A collection of stories featuring a sexy Parisian ghost, a spooky Moon base full of vagina-faced aliens, a policeman with an Irish name, a truck full of watermelons, a flautist, and a man who has to see another man about a diseased horse.

Gog stopped. He was being watched. He could see a bronze helmet peeking from among rocks in the distance. He thought, "A scout from the Paralatai. If he recognizes my metal, he will guess there is something wrong. His leaders will attack me while I am weak."

– from “In the Beginning, There was Gog,” a fantasy story featuring a frank discussion of what the hell we're doing on this planet

Gog climbed down a rocky promontory. The ridge was only a few feet below. He leapt onto it. The ground was rough. It was dry. Gog realized a lack of water probably prevented growth. It didn't explain the lack of rocks. Before long Gog thought he had that puzzle figured out.

– from “In the Beginning, There was Gog,” a fantasy story featuring a frank discussion of what the hell we're doing on this planet

Bei was vexed. She looked everywhere for her precious Jing. She asked Kwon if he had seen her. He turned away. He seemed to be fighting back tears. He murmured, "I think I know what happened. Jing was kidnapped by creatures native to this planet. They took Bo; doubtless Tae as well. One of them visited me. He talked to me through his hands."

Bei shook her head. "Why haven't you told us?"

– from “How Tae & Bo Took Over the World and Kung & Fu Didn't,” an apocryphal bible story set in an unknown solar system

The handmaidens filed out of the tent in silence. Fear was written on their faces. The guards asked the last one about Magog. She said the queen consort wanted time alone with the goddess. She was not to be disturbed. Nobody saw the heifer escaping through the back. In the darkness, it was hard to see. Its hide had been scorched black.

– from “In the Beginning, There was Gog,” a fantasy story featuring a frank discussion of what the hell we're doing on this planet

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Usage of This Planet in Sorry Ms. Jackson

Chiseled letters from an ancient stone tablet hanging on a wall

A real play. With drama in it. Talk fast. It takes two hours. Set in a guest house. In a small community. After a murder. Lots of suspicion. The characters learn to listen to each other. It's funny.

"This Planet" does not make an appearance in Sorry Miss Jackson.

- Michal Slaby

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Usage of This Planet in Miscellaneous Dingbats

The title of the book at the end of a string of miscellaneous dingbats

A story book full of short fiction stories. An interesting bedtime mystery. A fairy tale. Science fiction romance. Adult life. Uninspiring gay fiction. Horror.

My friends kept telling me I was crazy. They said no matter how bad it is in the city at least I have friends. In the village I would have nobody. It was true. I didn't argue. I didn't want them to know what was on my mind. I was thinking what good are friends if they can't protect you. I knew it wasn't their fault.

– from “A Black Man in Moscow,” an inspirational story that describes life on this planet, though hopefully we can change

My success is built not just on courage and understanding but the worst and most disgusting kind of fear and anger. I cannot separate the two. I keep reaching the same conclusion. That there must be some kind of good in evil. A conclusion which I immediately reject. And come back to. Again and again.

– from “A Black Man in Moscow,” an inspirational story that describes life on this planet despite whatever cornor we're hiding in

As Mark made his way down to his final stop he noticed the professor standing behind the tripod leaning into the viewfinder. He was so preoccupied with the sight of the bent-over old man he neglected to slow down and crane his head around the hedgerow. Luckily there was nobody there. The cord that connected Bill's hand brake to the actual brake had snapped. He had been dragging it for about the entire route until a customer on Download Street finally stopped him and asked, "What's that noise?" Bill decided it was time to take a break and check it out. He didn't want customers thinking postmen didn't care about their trucks. The customer saw the broken cord. He offered to bring some twine so Bill could tie the loose end to the chassis. Bill said he didn't want to be a bother. The customer insisted. Bill was forced to wait ten minutes until the customer came back and said, "Sorry it took so long. Here's the twine." Bill tied the cord to the chassis and went on his way. Never realizing the broken hand brake had probably saved his life.

– from “Wrong Again,” a success story that describes life on this planet, though hopefully we can change

I opened the school the next day. There were birds nesting in the furnace. I thought it was a good sign. I left them there for the sake of the students. I wanted us to remove them together as a way of bonding. No students came. I sat in the room by myself until the afternoon with nothing but chirping to keep me company. I asked the headman if the villagers knew I had come. He said he would take care of it.

– from “A Black Man in Moscow,” an inspirational story that describes the reality of this planet no matter who you are

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Collocation of This Planet in the Fiction Corpus

Table of Collocation for the Words "This Planet."

This table lists in descending order of frequency a selection of text strings that appear in the Fiction Corpus and groups them according to the morphological derivation of the words this planet that appears in the string.

TypeWORDFrequency
TOTAL # of occurencesMCDONALDSJESUSSEXTSIGAJACKSONDINGBATS
modern/sloppybiblical/tersepoetic/high-browhard/fasttalkymixed salad
--------
I have yet to perform a collocation analysis of "this planet." I hope I can get it done sometime soon. -Michal

Love is the answer...

What are we waiting for? Let's accept it!

Are you a eunuch?

The art show that defies abuse

St. Sebastian

Wall art symbolizing strength and protest

St. Sebastian was a member of the Roman Emperor's praetorian guard who had the audacity to teach Christian values while on the job. I think active duty American military men and women who don't vote or who don't publicly express a political opinion because of the uniform are either being idiotic or are being cowed by the threat of punishment from a superior. Either way, they're eunuchs. My purpose in creating the St. Sebastian Series is to put the flesh and face of the true soldier front and center. The good soldier puts his mission ahead of himself. He often ends up dead. The true soldier knows a bad mission when he sees one and he isn't afraid to say it. Saint Sebastian was not a cow, despite what clever people would have you believe. Saint Sebastian is a patron saint for all protestors who face the arrows of the mob for speaking out.

A miniature portrait of MichalMargo at the beach

Help maintain the "This Planet" page...

If you love women and art...

Michal's exporting art from Poland...is he meshugge?

Michal's Sales Pitch
Lot 1: Silesian Handicrafts

  1. T-shirt fundraiser for sale

    Handcrafted t-shirt fundraiser for sale.

    Last T-Shirt with the logo that I designed. Pointer

    From a set of, I believe, twenty produced by Margo and given out to a portion of the last 20 women to finish the 20th anniversary Fiat Road Race in Bielsko-Biała, cf. the movie. This is the last one left in it's original packaging and my supporters - like the poor women of Bielsko - are going to have to fight for it. Whoever invests the most money with me, and who lets me borrow it to invest in the next lot, will not only be rewarded with some beautiful piece of art, but will get this priceless t-shirt as a reward for being my top supporter. $1000.00 or best offer. Remember to authorize me to hold the sum as credit against a future purchase and to authorize me to borrow against it.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #1 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  2. Felt handbag for sale

    Handcrafted felt handbag for sale.

    Felt bag by Dorota. Pointer

    Entirely hand-sewn. Base: polyester felt, 100% PE. Motif: South American woolen yarn, dyed, 100% wool. Hand-worked with a needle. Unique and inimitable design. Inside: cotton fabric, closes with zipper, inside pocket. Available now for $220.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #2 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  3. Decorative collar for sale

    Handcrafted decorative collar for sale.

    Decorative collar by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Ethnic layered cloth jewelry constructed on a cotton base and adorned with ribbons, tassels, and a yellow fringe. Fastened on the side with 11 buttons, fitted entirely with a pleasant lining. The style is an Indo-Asian-African multinational color combination. The collar is very extravagant and an extraordinary addition to any clothing, guaranteed to attract attention. Just a simple dress and a unique image is ready. Dry-cleaning recommended. Available now for $200.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #3 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  4. Seamless handbag for sale

    Handcrafted seamless handbag for sale.

    Handbag by Sylwia. Pointer

    Handmade from felted all-natural Australian and South American wool. Entirely felted, seamless. Finished with a white lining, inside is a small pocket. Lining is sewn and stitched in by hand. Available now for $180.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #4 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  5. Patchwork quilt for sale

    Handcrafted patchwork quilt for sale.

    Patchwork quilt by Alicja. Pointer

    Bedspread made of cotton and polyester material. Inserted with polyester lining. 90 by 70 cm. Available now for $120.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #5 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  6. Nuno-felt shawl for sale

    Handcrafted nuno-felt shawl for sale.

    Shawl by Sylwia. Pointer

    Scarf made ​​with the nuno felting technique (wet felting fibre into a silk gauze) using South American wool. Two-sided scarf with latticework at the ends. Wholly in the colors red, black, green in an abstract pattern. Available now for $100.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #6 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  7. Clara the doll for sale

    Handcrafted clara the doll for sale.

    Clara by Alicja. Pointer

    Clara loves roses and greenery, adores tormenting spiders with long legs and sleeping soundly in the afternoon. Cuddly toy made of cotton and polyester, stuffed with polyester lining. Available now for $70.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #7 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  8. Noah the doll for sale

    Handcrafted noah the doll for sale.

    Noah by Alicja. Pointer

    Noah doesn't know what to like and what not to like but keeps wondering and thinking about it. Cuddly toy made of cotton and polyester, stuffed with polyester lining. Available now for $70.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #8 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  9. Black suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted black suspenders for sale.

    Black suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders from black material with a rose motif on one side and striped cotton on the other. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #9 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  10. Orange suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted orange suspenders for sale.

    Orange suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders made of denim and orange material with a Polish floral folk design. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #10 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  11. Green suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted green suspenders for sale.

    Green suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders made of denim and green material with a mountain folk design. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #11 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  12. Felt earrings for sale

    Handcrafted felt earrings for sale.

    Felt earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: South American woolen yarn, dyed, 100% wool. Hand-worked with a needle. Pendant of anti-allergenic metal. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #12 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  13. Round ceramic earrings for sale

    Handcrafted round ceramic earrings for sale.

    Round ceramic earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: Glazed ceramics, hand-molded. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #13 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  14. Oblong ceramic earrings for sale

    Handcrafted oblong ceramic earrings for sale.

    Oblong ceramic earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: Glazed ceramics, hand-molded. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #14 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  15. 'Coral' necklace for sale

    Handcrafted 'coral' necklace for sale.

    Corals by Sylwia. Pointer

    Necklace made ​​of cotton pieces with organdy and decorated with beads, suspended on cotton strings. Can be worn as a necklace, as a brooch or as a belt tied at the side. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #15 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

Handcrafted t-shirt fundraiser
Handcrafted felt handbag
Handcrafted decorative collar
Handcrafted seamless handbag
Handcrafted patchwork quilt
Handcrafted nuno-felt shawl
Handcrafted clara the doll
Handcrafted noah the doll
Handcrafted black suspenders
Handcrafted orange suspenders
Handcrafted green suspenders
Handcrafted felt earrings
Handcrafted round ceramic earrings
Handcrafted oblong ceramic earrings
Handcrafted 'coral' necklace