Michal refuses to study the prospect of boosting his unimposing Fiction Corpus with a fable about cheap canvas art; cites fatigue

Posted:⚒ 30༚♐²⁶/₂₄♀

I don't question the soundness of exercising English as a worldwide lingua franca. I don't trust in the vapid design by which the English language is presented for study.

Reenforcing a person's skills with a language isn't like introducing a bigger dam. A language - a living tongue - isn't just a tool that you can learn to wield with greater amounts of precision. A language cannot be insulated from the prevailing culture of a group of people of which it is a description. A language isn't recited; it happens - and keeps happening as long as a circle of people keeps using it.

Teaching a pupil to recite English is to cheat her out of its cultural context. A proper instructor has to find a way to introduce it; the insightful pupil goes out to seek it.

A dictionary has the potential to be an influential tool. The best dictionaries describe a language based on a particular corpus, a body of written works of various scope and consistency. They may include everything from a book about literature to a whole bunch of story books. I suffered many a sleepless night creating my "stately" Fiction Corpus to form a new type of dictionary based on the ability of one man to tell a story in myriad forms. It is a labor of love and listening.

I have devised a million words and I have broken them down, reframing them - not merely to teach the English tongue but to defend the human spirit, and to encourage that soul or spirit not just to recite but to happen.

Michal's Dictionary Navigation — act
fuel
artifact
place
time
person
fetish
kind
A Learner's Dictionary: Common Words in English
A Kind is the Common Word that Answers the Question, "Which?"
The most frequently used words in Michal's Corpus that represent common kinds
only819
right721
good662
old385
next363
new279
big240
bad228
dead200
wrong182
young170
black166
high126
past117
true117
light115
different99
safe92
poor91
local70
public56
general48
ancient36
gay31
chief20

Previous title — act
fuel
artifact
place
time
person
fetish
kind
A Learner's Dictionary: Common Words in English
A Kind is the Common Word that Answers the Question, "Which?"
The most frequently used words in Michal's Corpus that represent common kinds
only819
right721
good662
old385
next363
new279
big240
bad228
dead200
wrong182
young170
black166
high126
past117
true117
light115
different99
safe92
poor91
local70
public56
general48
ancient36
gay31
chief20

Samples of Fiction from Michal's Corpus

Michal's Fiction Corpus of Acceptance Literature (FiCAL) is presented under the Bare Bottom imprint. It is currently comprised of six bodies of work, each representing a different pillar of culture and incorporating a wide variety of writhing styles.

If you're wondering...

How do I use this?

Just click on a title to see examples of "fiction" from a particular work. You'll stay on the same spot on the page, only the Table of Contents will disappear. To get back to the Table of Contents just click next to the image of the Bare Bottom imprint where it says "Back to Samples of Fiction: Table of Contents."“And...?”

In the case of common words, a Table of Frequency and a Table of Collocation provide numerical information about how many times a word appears in its original or modified form and with which words. It can help to give you an idea of how common words are used and in what contexts. Find them in the "Common Words of English" part of the Education section.“Ok.”

Why a Fiction Corpus?

The popular understanding of the word "fiction" and its complement "non-fiction" is a reflection of the cultural influence of a classification system. The Dewey Decimal System is responsible for separating "fiction" from all other work and categorizing it by author's name. This has influenced the popular idea of fiction as a narrative that tends to be "untrue" and the product of an individual's fantasy, a bias compounded by modern art's century-long obsession with abstraction, surrealism and self-expression.“So...?”

My idea of fiction rests on the idea that art doesn't have to be factual to be a true reflection of our existence. Adam and Eve didn't have to exist as two individuals 700 generations ago for them to be true portraits of two human beings trying to work together.“And...?”

The Bible is a Fiction Corpus. It is a body of writing that isn't overly concerned with facts and yet its words carry weight. It was written by many different authors living in different places with different audiences in mind, yet everyone gleans something from it.“Right...”

In preparing my fiction corpus, I have striven to see the world through the eyes of others. Through the eyes of my Adams and Eves I hope that you too will glean some truth about our existence. At the very least you will learn some more about how one man can use the English language.“Ok.”

Who are you, Michal?

I'm just a guy who makes art. And if you're interested in making a solid investment in an aesthetic that supports our present and future welfare, then I will help you look for something that you can buy.“How...?”

Everybody makes. Everybody sells. Some people know how to protect their interests. Some better than others. Few people know how to listen. Listening to somebody means considering their interests as if they were your own. Going out and doing something to satisfy another person's interest is how we build a strong economy. Without a strong economy, democracy collapses.“And...?”

Buying 4Occupy is buying for democracy. Don't give your money to somebody who's ruining it. There's no such thing as cheap democracy, quick democracy, or easy democracy. There's good, solid, complete democracy and the tyranny of feudalism. Let's not mix the two. Let's not buy everything on the cheap. Let's not create another tyrant and enslave ourselves because it was easier not to think about what we were doing. Let's protect our interests. Let's listen.“Ok.”

Who's really behind this site?

Have you ever been to one of those post-it-yourself retail websites where there's a really attractive top-seller ready to give you tips on how you can be a top-seller too?“Uh...”

Have you ever been to a "job" interview where you sit in a line, walk through one door, get hired as a contractor and walk out another door, so that the other applicants don't realize that everyone's getting "hired" to work in the same market?“Maybe...”

The internet is full of people who are ready to exploit your ignorance. They are people who want to make money at the expense of our economy. They are cheats.“And...?”

I, Michal, am behind this site. Not some fat plutocrat exploiting my image. I like to do things the right way. I like to work with people who take the time to do things right.“Why...?”

I used to work for a company that didn't do things the right way. My labor was exploited because of mismanagement. That company was the United States Postal Service, an independent agency of the United States Government that is ultimately controlled by Congress. I'm mad because if the Federal Government can exploit labor, who is going to stop every other cheat from doing it?“Labor Unions...?”

Don't say labor unions. I went to my labor union and they did nothing. They ignored me because labor unions aren't democracies. Holding a free and fair election for a "representative" once in a blue moon does not equal people ruling. Democracy means open government. It means we the public need to accept the hard work. It's the only way to secure liberty and equality.“Ok.”

What's the difference between use and usage?

Definition-wise, not much. But the -age suffix is ultimately French in origin and with most things French, at least in American eyes, the immediate thought is that of something precious and arcane whose value should be judged very carefully. This is in contrast to the word France, which is associated with a beautiful place. Thus people in France or from France are beautiful, warm, kind people. Generous even. Unlike French people who suck. Unless you're frenching, in which case you're only sometimes sucking.“And...?”

Along those lines, usage means you're in bed. Use means you're just heavy petting. Also notice that common people, like common words, get used...whereas "proper" things make "appearances." Whether or not you are being exploited is a different story. Exploitation is what happens when somebody uses you or your property without listening to you. Listening is what happens when you consider another person's needs as if they were your own. You don't have to satisfy those needs. All you need to do is consider them. So many of us can't even do that.“So...?”

Help stop exploitation. Buy 4occupy. Buy a better world. Whether or not you feel you can afford to buy art, consider joining my protest. I want to guarantee every working man and every working mother on this planet a 15-day universal holiday. But I can't. Only we can do that. We have to work together. We have to accept the idea that everyone deserves time for himself and we need to build that time into a new kind of calendar. We have to give peace it's own day. We have to make love something you can't avoid. We have to make even the most miserly cold-hearted capitalist among us say that he cashed his check on Love Your Neighbor Day. There won't be any other way to say it once the Acceptance Calendar is widely adopted.“Ok.”

Back to Usage of What Kind: Table of Contents

Usage of What Kind in Death to McDonalds

An aerial view of Dodger Stadium in the foreground, with an imaginary partially submerged Los Angeles behind — A story bible for a comic book series set in a post climate-change California narrated by eight characters who live through a natural disaster that sinks Los Angeles and triggers a war with an expansionist Mexican government covertly supported by China.

Frame #5159

swabee says were up five hundred feet. what kind of storm surge goes up five hundred feet.

Sprint "Iphone" Case

8 November, 11:00 PM

Frame #1648

what kind of a building has four men guarding an underground garage. i dont see any signs. maybe around the corner.

Justin Bieber

14 August, 12:32 AM

Frame #727

ike - omg. is chase alright. is he hurt. what kind of thing was it. a barfight.

Twitter Hashtag

3 August, 3:00 PM

Frame #798

what kind of idiots does this school hire. i asked for room 125. the janitor sent me to the second floor. all the rooms here start with 2.

Justin Bieber

4 August, 1:59 PM

Frame #1923

i wish people had common sense. what kind of a drug deal involves exchanging pants. a briefcase maybe. but pants.

Twitter Hashtag

17 August, 10:19 AM

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Usage of What Kind in The Gospel of Jesus H.

A picture of the planet Mars — An experimental science fiction Christology that makes Jesus the hard boiled narrator of his own early years on a bizarro earth made dark by volcanic ash and informally ruled by a man from Mars who sells bottled air.

For thirty-three hours and a half, we proceeded slowly (in fact, as slowly as possible) from the town square to St. Hedwig's Basilica, where we stripped ourselves to the waist, took off our shoes, and prostrated ourselves in silence. When the Master decided, he began to whip us. (The Master was elected; we chose the weakest man among us). When the Master started whipping, we began chanting the Stabat Mater. Assuming a position which indicated for what kind of sin we wished to atone, we would wait for the Master to heal us. The murderer was supposed to lie on his face - thankfully, none of us did that. The adulterer lay on his back; perjurers, on their sides, holding up three fingers; disobedient children, with their asses up in the air; people who didn't go to church on Sunday, in a crab; corrupt officials, holding up one leg, exposing their genitals. Then, we would rise, form a circle, and beat ourselves, singing songs of praise to the Savior, who endured much worse for the sake of our sins. We would walk, with banners and crosses held before us. In the nighttime, we held lanterns - all the while singing songs and beating ourselves with whips. (Jesus bought his in a sex shop.)

– Verse 479 from the chapter called Adolescence

Jesus had no idea what kind of consequences this failure effected. His uncle hanged himself around that time, but there was no way of knowing how that were related - or whether it were only meant to look like a suicide. Jesus had his aunt moved to a safe location, and, as far as he knew, neither she nor her children were ever harmed. Jesus had no way of knowing whom or how many the Krupnik had informed about his identity, or, more importantly, his resources, which, considering the amount of duffel bags recovered from the basement, were, on the one hand, almost inexhaustible, but, considering the small size of his uncle's back room, were, on the other hand, quite meager - especially since Jesus was trying to conduct a private war.

– Verse 419 from the chapter called Arms

"Yoga Balls?" my classmates said. "What kind of name is that? Aisles a balls? Ills a balls? Kyle's balls! Hey: it's Kyle's balls! They're notary pubic! Gross! No dirty pubic balls, Kyle! Hey: Kyle's got dirty pubes! And he's showing them! Put away your pubes, Kyle! Gross! Don't show us your pubes!"

"Shut up, John!"

"Put your dirty balls away!"

"Shut up!"

"Quiet!"

– Verse 9-13 from the chapter called Adolescence

Without the mistranscription, Jesus would've found himself in dire straits. Failing to capture his supposed Martian, Jesus would've had plenty of explaining to do if something wildly unexpected had prevented the army from going through with its planned shelling - but Jesus had been more afraid of Baron Cohen-Krupnik: there was absolutely no telling what kind of influence he had; if the azimuth could be mistranscribed once, perhaps, Jesus feared, 'the mistake' might be fixed. Without his proof, Jesus would've been rendered helpless. Perhaps the double mistranscription, which no doubt was meant to confuse and frighten honest army men (and prevent them from scapegoating collaborators), had also prevented Baron or any of his men from stopping their pre-planned 'mistake.'

– Verse 427 from the chapter called Arms

"That's right," said his uncle, giggling. "It's a shortcut." To a cheap watering hole! where men turned into whimpering dogs, keeling over and crying for their masters. They were worthless hounds, chained and beaten by devils, abandoned by the Devil himself, who cares for richer meat: not old men! Rotten men! Men with false teeth! Sucking on shotglass! Nursing their own beer mugs as if they were fat whores' teats! Breathing more smoke than air! Jesus blacked out! The next thing he knew, he was smelling his own vomit: dried vomit: putrid vomit: fresh, ethanol vomit - all of it caked onto his face and arms, his clothes, the convertible sofa, spilling onto the wet floor, in a puddle of red-orange puke. How many stages of vomit? Some of it was flaking off. Some of it was rolled into balls. (During the night, vomit crumbs had been collecting in his ass.) Most of it was half-dried. The rest of it was liquid. For a second, Jesus had no idea where he was. When he realized he was lying on his own sofa, he wondered how he had gotten there. The last thing he remembered was being cradled in his beloved uncle's arms. Why was he being cradled? He was drunk. But why was he being cradled? Had his uncle been whispering something? Lullabies? What the fuck! What kind of life is that? He rejected it.

– Verse 375 from the chapter called Adolescence

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Usage of What Kind in Sex for Children

A drawing of a man between a woman's legs in front of another man in a hospital bed — A literature book narrated by a pair of siblings on either side of the Atlantic whose profoundly weird sexual experiences pose a serious challenge to their traditional understanding of mathematicians, marriage, gay young men and God.

It made me wonder what kind of people were giving Luke his reputation these days. They can't be that much different from the ones we knew: no self-respecting woman would ever shag in that apartment - but I guess that goes for men too. In fact, what self-respecting person would ever choose to have anything to do with Luke in the first place? He can't possibly be raping them - the walls are too thin - unless he uses drugs - ah, but let us not speak of that.

– Title 1, Regarding Peaches and Bananas, Part 2, Section 2, Letting It Steam, Paragraph 1, Clauses 6-9

I prayed. Nike could not harm this beautiful creature: this lonely woman framed by shadow: this faint white blur of something sacred - divinely profane: a strange creature of different fabrics, white and black, her veil was it? A disembodied head: a strip dangling in darkness: a bird with a shimmering tail. What kind of bird? a dove? a penguin? a beautiful canvasback pochard in flight? About to be shot?

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 2, The Second Day, Part 1, Labor & Economic Reform, Section 22, Encountering Poverty, Paragraph 49

There was more to be said. I wanted to tell Macy what kind of relationship we could have. I wanted him to know the terms of our possible intimacy - but, he did not ask, and, by then, I was too angry to pursue it. Apart from a few necessary exchanges near the end, there was no more conversation. We did eat in silence; and I was glad.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 5, The Fifth Day, Part 1, Greenery & Land Reform, Section 5, Surrendering the Debate, Paragraph 13

Then again, the whole situation was odd and disquieting to begin with. Albert's words were part of a larger experience: a very troubling and strange experience. At the time, its true meaning was concealed; now that Albert has collapsed, I begin to understand, and, recalling that experience, I suddenly remembered his words. Considering them now, in the current situation, I immediately realized what kind of serious implication they harbored.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 4, The Fourth Day, Part 2, The Assembly & Government Reform, Section 5, The Power of Words, Paragraph 3

NIKE: It depends what kind of action is on the Champs. It can be hard to find something palatable. Young ones are eager to please. They're the best. It's not easy to score. Some girls drive around. Can you believe that? They're the expensive ones. I wonder who pimps them out. It's probably the people who work the girls on Avenue Foch. Have you ever been there?

LUKA: No.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 2, The Second Day, Part 1, Labor & Economic Reform, Section 21, Anal Sex, Paragraphs 38-39

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Usage of What Kind in Tsiga Tsiga Tsiga

Bullets whizzing by a statue of Nikola Tesla — A collection of stories featuring a sexy Parisian ghost, a spooky Moon base full of vagina-faced aliens, a policeman with an Irish name, a truck full of watermelons, a flautist, and a man who has to see another man about a diseased horse.

She asked, "What kind of radiation is this?"

Shaq chuckled. "Di kaind we di meik di man gro big."

"I think you've had enough already."

Shaq laughed. "A no go tank di water for dat. A go tank yu."

"Why don't you go tank me back home?"

Shaq smiled. "Wi go go wen di taim don kom."

"Where is everybody?"

– from “Dirty Manga People Are Disgusting,” a spooky story featuring aliens that live in ghettos

"It wasn't for me. I was trying to start a company."

"What kind?"

"Software." Tae laughed.

"Do you know everybody's crime?"

– from “How Tae & Bo Took Over the World and Kung & Fu Didn't,” an apocryphal bible story featuring a microcosm of society

"What kind of trinkets could they be?" asked Ferrari, drawing nearer.

Carmina smiled like a fox. Leaning forward, she whispered, "They're dangling between your breaches."

Ferrari laughed. "You're going to need a bigger box, Your Ladyship. You might have to keep them in your chest."

– from “Italy Sucks and Has Sucked For A Long Time,” an adventure story featuring a frank discussion of the merits of established law

On the road home, he strolled through the orchards he played in as a child. He crossed the streams and the forests of his youth. Walking past the Cathedral, he came across two men standing next to a strange wooden contraption. "What kind of a siege-tower is this?" he asked.

"This," said one of the men, "is our Lady's chair."

– from “Italy Sucks and Has Sucked For A Long Time,” an adventure story about a man with a bull's pair

Nike could not harm this creature: this woman floating in shadow: this blur of something horribly sacred-a strange beast of different fabrics, white and black-a veil was it? on top of a disembodied head? a bright strip of white fluttering behind? a bird with a shimmering tail? What kind: a dove? A penguin? A canvasback pochard in flight-about to be shot?

– from “Paris Is For Rapists, Too,” a ghost story featuring a frank discussion of the beautiful world of Paris

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Usage of What Kind in Sorry Ms. Jackson

Chiseled letters from an ancient stone tablet hanging on a wall — A real play. With drama in it. Talk fast. It takes two hours. Set in a guest house. In a small community. After a murder. Lots of suspicion. The characters learn to listen to each other. It's funny.

(ALICE exits.)

KOKOMO: Yet again, I'm left holding the wet, dirty towels. Not to worry. It's alright. I don't mind. In truth, if I could spend the rest of my life cleaning up after Fletcher Christian, I would be a very happy woman. Even if that is silly and backwards, that's how I feel. I would never phrase it like that to anybody; I'm not crazy. I'd make him take out the garbage and all that. Alice is right. It's high time I told him how much he makes my heart beat. I could turn it into a joke if it looks like he's uncomfortable. That would be dreadful. What kind of a joke would it be? I need a heart transplant? That's not funny. What am I going to do?

MS. JACKSON: Kokomo!

KOKOMO: Of course: the laundry.

– ACT I, lines 1381-1383

GREY GOOSE: Or what?

FLETCHER: You're going to have trouble.

GREY GOOSE: What kind of trouble?

FLETCHER: Do us all a favor and stop being a prick.

GREY GOOSE: Dare you call your own father a prick?

FLETCHER: I'll call you that for as long as you deserve it.

GREY GOOSE: You've got a lot of nerve.

FLETCHER: Like father, like son.

GREY GOOSE: What are you going to do? Call for mommy?

FLETCHER: If you don't stay away from here, it won't be this house that burns down.

– ACT I, lines 1247-1256

MS. JACKSON: He's in there-

FLETCHER: How did my father know?

MS. JACKSON: Your father is in there-

FLETCHER: Why are you telling strangers how I lost my virginity?

LESBIAN: I'm not a stranger; I'm a guest.

MS. JACKSON: Everybody knows about it.

FLETCHER: What kind of a place is this?

LESBIAN: It's your home.

MS. JACKSON: Listen.

LESBIAN: If I could, I would gladly make it mine.

– ACT I, lines 993-1002

GREY GOOSE: What are you talking about?

FLETCHER: What have you been spending all this time with him for?

GREY GOOSE: As an excuse to come here.

FLETCHER: What?

GREY GOOSE: Are we in the lay-off?

FLETCHER: I heard from Luke that you said something about Kokomo rooting for money.

GREY GOOSE: That was a mistake.

FLETCHER: What kind of a mistake is that?

GREY GOOSE: A big one.

FLETCHER: I don't get it.

– ACT I, lines 1227-1236

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Usage of What Kind in Miscellaneous Dingbats

The title of the book at the end of a string of miscellaneous dingbats — A story book full of short fiction stories. An interesting bedtime mystery. A fairy tale. Science fiction romance. Adult life. Uninspiring gay fiction. Horror.

Meanwhile at the bottom of the hill the professor was waving his arms in frustration. Mark turned into Profile Road and asked, "What's going on?" The professor was embarrassed. He didn't want to explain what he was doing. He said he had been trying to photograph some wildlife until the truck scared it off. Mark apologized.

"What kind of wildlife?" he asked.

– from “Wrong Again,” a success story that describes life as we know it, though hopefully it can change

The professor stammered. "A - a bird."

"What kind of bird?"

"A - an eagle."

"An eagle? Wow," said Mark. "I don't think I've ever seen an eagle around here. It wasn't bald, was it?"

"No," said the professor. "The hairy kind."

"Oh," said Mark. "Carry on."

– from “Wrong Again,” a success story about the cycle of bloodshed throughout history