Michal's HeadlinesKitchen

Michal presents 4Occupy, an online art gallery and culture blog

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VEEGUM(r) and VAN GEL(r)

natural clays by RT Vanderbilt

from VEEGUM(r)/VAN GEL(r) The Story
A map showing R.T. Vanderbilt's mines and processing plants in the western United Sates
Clay ores mined in Nevada, Arizona & California
Margo behind a tree

Kitchen, a cultural introduction

Getting to know the word from all angles...

Michal's debating the potency of boosting his titanic Fiction Corpus with some good fiction; cites fatigueDictionary icon

I accept the potential of administering English as a worldwide standard. I don't accept the altogether ordinary fashion in which the English language is taught.Pointer

Polishing a person's skills with a language isn't like producing a stronger crankshaft. A language - a spoken language - is not just a tool that you can learn to manipulate with greater amounts of precision. A common language can't be severed from the competing values of a tribe of people of which it is a description. A language isn't recited; it happens - and keeps happening as long as a circle of people keeps using it.

To make a student recite English is to strip her of its cultural context. A good teacher must prepare a plan for introducing it; the discerning student ventures out to seek it.

A dictionary - properly used - can become an influential tool. The best dictionaries describe a language on the basis of a particular corpus, a set of written works of various size and consistency. A corpus may include anything from a book about literature to a collection of top fiction. I lost many a night creating my "modest" Fiction Corpus to form a specific kind of dictionary based on the ability of one man to tell a story in many different forms. It is a labor of love and listening.

I have crafted a million words and I have divided them, reframing them - not simply to teach a language but to promote the human spirit, and to coax that soul or spirit not just to recite but to happen.

Michal's Dictionary Navigation

A Learner's Dictionary: Common Words in EnglishPointer

A Place is the Common Word that Answers the Question, "Where?"

The most frequently used words in Michal's Corpus that represent common places

Help End Discrimination With ArtOne of Margo's pictures from our trip across Europe.

Strength and dignity are her clothing...

Proverbs 31:25

Author's Note: I have been enjoined from sharing the details of my true romance adventure until such time that the other party is prepared to present her perspective on the affair arrangement...Pointer

By the end of my first week in Europe in 2011, I had bought a car and out of the blue had met the woman who would join me on a 6,000 mile trek across the European continent, sharing the beat-up car that I had bought and the one small tent from Walmart that I had brought along with me on my flight.

I had come to Europe to document people practicing naturism. Preliminary arrangements had been made to meet with an Egyptian nudist visiting the Continent and there was some kind of Pan-European gathering scheduled to take place in Croatia. I had arranged for an assistant to come along with me to help with anything I needed, but when her passport was stolen the night before we were supposed to leave, my plans went awry. I decided on something less ambitious. I would visit a naturist sauna in the city of Bielsko-Biala, Poland which I had just found on the internet. When I got there, I met Margo.

Being from America, all I had to do in Europe was turn on the radio to hear an American song. All I had to do was walk into a movie theater to see an American movie. To be understood all I had to do was speak English. Being from Poland, she couldn't stand listening to the radio for all the political nonsense being bandied about. She didn't like watching American movies because she claimed they all ended the same way. She didn't want to speak English with me because she not only wanted to say things correctly but she wanted to say them her way and nobody had ever succeeded in teaching her how. I desperately wanted to understand. She wanted to be understood.

Margo and I spent over 40 days on the road. We started out as basically strangers, but in those 40 days we started listening to each other. We started teaching ourselves how to cooperate. Our journey across Europe may have ended, but our journey towards each other continues. No amount of fear, anger, sadness, disgust or anticipation can stop hope. Slowly but surely, we're learning how to beat the devils that abuse us.

One of Margo's pictures from our trip across Europe.

6,000 miles across Europe with a complete stranger

Previous ImagePrevious Image 10x

Day 18
8/6/2011
 17༛25/24

Next ImageNext Image 10x
Previous Camp

Naturistenbun Rhein-Main

Next Camp
Previous Country

Trebur, Germany

Next Country

THE DISAPPEARING WOMAN, THE DISAPPEARING MAN...Pointer

a collection of modern art prints and posters

During our trip across Europe, Margo very bravely opened up to me and to the camera. It was a difficult thing to do considering the scars that she carries. I wanted to share with the world her often joyful, often sad, often angry but always liberating experience except that the Internet is full of pictures of naked women and men and full of trolls who abuse them.

I realized that what I really need to point out is not the openness that Margo and I cultivated between ourselves, but the darkness that continues to surround us. When I censor nudity, I do so in a way that does not compromise the integrity of the human body. In censoring the photographs that Margo and I took during our trip, I was quick to notice that in those pictures where Margo was at her most open, at her most unguarded and most relaxed, in a word, when she was herself and basking in the sun I was forced to blacken her completely.

Why does our society drive people into darkness? Why can we not accept ourselves as we are? Why can we not accept our bodies? Have we truly become eunuchs? Or are we capable of defying the sickness that pits us against each other? Together we could conquer the devils that abuse us.

Whether you enjoy being nude or not, whether you've been photographed nude or not, but especially if, for you, like for Margo, it's something you never thought you would do, consider submitting your own photograph to be published in a censored manner as a form of protest against the ubiquitous presence of the human body on the internet, naked or not, that is published and duplicated ad infinitum without context and without regard for the identity or the needs of the individual being depicted.

Michal's Dictionary:
Understanding the word Kitchen

A word can represent many things. First and foremost it represents a type of gesture. A specific way of speaking. A specific way of inscribing a mark. A specific way of moving your hand. To know one of these kinds of gestures is to know how to pronounce the word kitchen in some kind of way.

If you want to communicate an idea using the word kitchen, you will need to know what other people are made to think when you make the gesture. You will never have complete awareness of or control over the associations or identities that are invoked by a set of words, but you can know what was and what is a single word's jointly accepted definition, at least for a given place, thereby tracing a direction which will help you to understand what kinds of associations and identities are driving its use.

By using the word yourself, you enter into a long-standing albeit oftentimes unconscious debate over its definition, forever entangling yourself into the history of its use. The way you use it, and which other words you use it with carries weight.

The more you know about where the word kitchen is located in the fabric of a language, the better you will be at exploiting its cultural power.

Pronunciation of KitchenMargo on a trampoline

I have yet to publish a pronunciation for the word kitchen.

Video of me pronouncing "kitchen."

Definition of KitchenMargo on a trampoline

I have yet to publish the definition of kitchen.

I'm sure it won't take too long.

Common use of kitchen in illustrative example sentencesMargo on a trampoline

  1. Could you please bring me the knife that's lying on the counter in the kitchen?

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  2. I'm not just a bouncer. I do a little kitchen installation on the side.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  3. I have yet to come up with a third sentence using the word kitchen.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  4. I have yet to come up with a fourth sentence using the word kitchen.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  5. I have yet to come up with a fifth sentence using the word kitchen.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  6. I have yet to come up with a sixth sentence using the word kitchen.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:
  7. I have yet to come up with a seventh sentence using the word kitchen.

    Audio of me saying the sentence:

Usage of Kitchen in Michal's Fiction CorpusMargo on a trampoline

An image of young Michal sitting on a potty in front of a typewriter

Michal's Fiction Corpus of Acceptance Literature (FiCAL) is presented under the Bare Bottom imprint. It is currently comprised of six bodies of work, each representing a different pillar of culture and incorporating a wide variety of writhing styles.

Bare Bottom ImprintBack to Usage of Kitchen: Table of Contents

Kitchen, a morphological approach

I have yet to make a morphological analysis of the word kitchen.

That doesn't mean it's not high on my list.

Table of Frequency for the Word "Kitchen."

This table lists in descending order the total number of times that the word kitchenand any of its morphological derivations appears in the Fiction Corpus, along with a breakdown of frequency by title, the respective rank of each word in the complete list of all words in the Corpus, as calculated both densely and competitively, as well as the percent increase in frequency of the word over the frequency of the next lowest rank in the complete list.

Margo stretching her arms
Percent Increase over next rankRANKWORDFrequency
TOTAL # of occurencesMCDONALDSJESUSSEXTSIGAJACKSONDINGBATS
densecompetitivemodern/sloppybiblical/tersepoetic/high-browhard/fasttalkymixed salad
-----------
I have yet to publish the table of frequency for the word kitchen, but I will get to it shortly. -Michal

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Usage of Kitchen in Death to McDonalds

An aerial view of Dodger Stadium in the foreground, with an imaginary partially submerged Los Angeles behind

A story bible for a comic book series set in a post climate-change California narrated by eight characters who live through a natural disaster that sinks Los Angeles and triggers a war with an expansionist Mexican government covertly supported by China.

Frame #3235

time to get lost on my way to the bathroom. lets see what the kitchen staff looks like.

Sprint "Iphone" Case

3 September, 11:29 AM

Frame #4414

its anne. shes in the kitchen. dancing. to music. shes wearing earbuds.

Sprint "Iphone" Case

1 October, 8:32 PM

Frame #2645

im in the kitchen. i have a hunch. i need to check under the sink but im not sure how to do it without getting my face wet.

Chase Credit

24 August, 11:01 AM

Frame #4117

anne came up from the basement. reddit's with her in the kitchen. shes not mentioning the woman.

Sprint "Iphone" Case

28 September, 8:04 AM

Frame #608

apple's burning the oil in the saucepan. theres smoke in the kitchen. and im way late for the stakeout.

JC Penney

2 August, 9:58 AM

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Usage of Kitchen in The Gospel of Jesus H.

A picture of the planet Mars

An experimental science fiction Christology that makes Jesus the hard boiled narrator of his own early years on a bizarro earth made dark by volcanic ash and informally ruled by a man from Mars who sells bottled air.

One time, I successfully defended myself against a hooligan. In the middle of the night, I was once awakened by the stampings and shouts of a group of late-night rabble-rousers. They were climbing up my apartment building's main stairwell. Outside my door, they began ripping apart various pictures from the walls. They were cheap pictures, mostly posters, but I was very angry for being awakened. Going to the kitchen, I grabbed a large knife and lemon, and, going to the front door, I opened it. Leaning against the doorframe, I saw my provokers' faces. It was my upstairs neighbor's eldest son ripping off paintings from the wall. There was an older boy with him, along with his baby boo and some other ugly girl, perhaps the older boy's girlfriend. They all ran down the stairs. My neighbor was left alone. Ever so slowly, I began slicing my lemon. My neighbor came up to me - not too close, but close enough to be 'in my face.' My knife was pointed right at his gut.

Verse 315 from the chapter called Adolescence

DO IT NOW. DO IT NOW. DO IT NOW. I heard nothing but the music. There was light emanating from the left: the direction of the kitchen. DO IT NOW. DO IT NOW. I popped my head over the side. DO IT NOW. I looked. To the left, there was no one; to the right, there was also no one. Removing Goofy's gun, I held it out rather absent-mindedly in my right hand. DO IT NOW. I guess I thought I was going to put it down somewhere. DO IT NOW. I climbed - DO IT NOW - to the top of the stairs and realized I hadn't thought about what I was going to do with that stupid gun. Why had I brought it? DO IT NOW. I turned - DO IT NOW - to the left. DO IT NOW. Fucking shit, I thought to myself. He's on the fucking stairs. Now what?

Verse 1179 from the chapter called Security

He was wrong. Maybe if he had rolled up the corner of the tarp that was not on the side of the exhaust pipe, we would've had some fresher air. As it was, the fumes collected around us. The diesel engine was loud. I would've slept despite the noise (and the bumps in the road) but I was scared. I thought of the Commandant's sister-in-law and her children. They died from carbon monoxide poisoning. They died in their sleep. Their mother had thrown coal into her kitchen furnace, then opened it. She died. Her children died.

Verse 172 from the chapter called Bohemia

With the lounge emptied, there was only going to be one guard on the way to Zoe's room. He was the independent variable. There was a chance that he could be in the darkened lounge, or next to the doorway to the kitchen, or, worst of all, on the stairs to the third floor. He would have to be subdued. The problem was that there were security cameras everywhere. If the lounge were darkened, as was planned, there was a good chance that my activities there would go largely unnoticed. Only my passage to Zoe's room would be cause for alarm, but not enough to make the security director inform Leonard Cohen-Krupnik, at least not until he had sent someone to investigate. With one guard strangely unavailable, he would have to send the fourth-floor guard. While that guard were busy trying to unlock or break down Zoe's door, I would already be half-way through the air-conditioning duct. Stalin, having received my call (meaning that the first guard had been subdued) would already have swung onto the balcony and, having entered the darkened salon, would be waiting behind the door to the hallway. As soon as he heard my cries from Leonard Cohen-Krupnik's office, he would rush into the hallway, take the mirror off the wall, lean it against him, and, turning around and opening the double doors as if he were Zoe returning, my attention diverted, I would immediately turn around to face him and, pointing my pistol away from Leonard Cohen-Krupnik - just in case I didn't hear the left-hand topmost drawer opening, or the hammer of a gun being cocked - Stalin would, as quickly as possible, maneuver the mirror into such a place as would allow me, first, to witness Leonard Cohen-Krupnik raising his gun, and then, to avert mortal sin and felonious crime as I, in the last second, turned back and, kneeling to the side, avoided his greedy bullet while, simultaneously, sending him to his ultimate judgment. It was a brilliant plan, but dependent on God.

Verse 1148 from the chapter called Security

"Estate! What kind of estate is that? Four floors they built; Andrew lives on top - and the Commandant? He lives in the kitchen, next to the cowshed. Both of them wallow in their own filth: unwashed, unfed. You know what he has for breakfast? A slice of bread, with butter; coffee, with milk. For dinner: coffee, with milk; bread, no butter. And finally, after a long day of work, he has supper: milk with bread. How does he work all day long? How does he stand up? But most of all, how does he sleep in that filth? He doesn't even take his shirt off. What kind of estate is that? I said, 'Clean up! Don't live like dogs!' They said, 'We have an estate: look at all the work we have.'

Verse 257 from the chapter called Adolescence

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Usage of Kitchen in Sex for Children

A drawing of a man between a woman's legs in front of another man in a hospital bed

A literature book narrated by a pair of siblings on either side of the Atlantic whose profoundly weird sexual experiences pose a serious challenge to their traditional understanding of mathematicians, marriage, gay young men and God.

My knees began shaking, and before it was too obvious, I got up and realized how weak my legs were. Walking as steadily as I could to the kitchen, I found it mercifully deserted. After pacing for a brief moment, I decided to take a shot of liquor, but my whole body was shaking: my legs were shaking, my shoulders, my arms were shaking and my hands were shaking. I leaned against the counter and my hands were calm, then my arms were calm even though my shoulders continued to shake. I tried to stand upright, but my breast began to shudder, and my breath was shuddering too. And then my whole body shuddered - mercifully so, because after that I was relatively in control, and could only complain of a little trembling.

– Title 1, Regarding Peaches and Bananas, Part 2, Section 9, Attacking homosexuality, Paragraph 2, Clauses 10-16

"Of course, Madame: with pleasure." I gave her another short bow and then I left. I made my way through the kitchen. I entered the drawing room and saw the piano to my left, sitting in its familiar corner.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 3, The Third Day, Part 2, Prayer & The Reformation, Section 13, The Role of Music, Paragraph 3

Those days return to me with sudden clarity now that Nike came to remind me of them. And for some reason, I find myself yearning for those dirty sofas - not for that disgusting carpet, mind you, and definitely not for that sticky kitchen. That apartment was unnecessarily filthy. But those sofas were different. They were the ultimate seats of decadence. They were creatures completely unrepentant. Like the ancient Romans, we entertained from the couch. We would eat, drink, smoke and sleep and always reclining.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 2, The Second Day, Part 1, Labor & Economic Reform, Section 6, Doing Business, Paragraph 9

End this agitato. End this agitato. End this crescendo, diminuendo, crescendo poco a poco reaching the heights of human ecstasy, flittering our fingers, curling our toes and floating, floating down, too heavy to fly, shattering, and falling like rain in a million pieces down, to the ground, away from God's majesty - dashing madly across the keys my fingers flying ran the crescendo up in haste: no love to feel, no love to seize, my heart dying of disease - no time to waste - headlong falling into a pool and treading water, trying to swim, trying to leave but something pulling, pulling down, I forced my way up and out, climbing but slipping, falling, and then regaining myself and then stopping now...ritenuto...oh ritenuto: give me God's mercy: give me God's mercy: give me a moment now, end me my heartache now, end me my heartache now, please give, now: sotto voce, ben legato, molto più lento: o lullaby, sweet lullaby, bring me to sleep, sweet lullaby. Sing away my fears, put aside my tears - please, the Lord and I need to rest a while. O lullaby, bring a dream to me, let me see a dream, and regarding dreams, let me guard my dreams, let me live my dreams, let me, lullaby, dream - oh, what a beautiful melody fills my heart and wraps around me. How in love I was that night! How furious were my body, mind and soul arguing with each other. But, for a moment, playing this trio, life was quiet. My heart was tranquilized. My thoughts were suspended, my soul bathing in joy. And my eyes were drinking it. They came a long way to find themselves a watering hole, and finally, the time was right - no enemies nearby, no traps to catch me - everything was peaceful. And that was no surprise: for who should be standing guard? Indiana was! and may she continue in my dreams: for she was standing in front of me like a figure from the grandest of my dreams, like she were surrounded by fog, and only her own body could escape its grayness. She stood there in the doorway like grace itself, the light from the kitchen granting her man's electrical mandorla.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 3, The Third Day, Part 2, Prayer & The Reformation, Section 13, The Role of Music, Paragraph 6, Clauses 6-19

But, instead of looking for the rare Eszencia from nineteen whatever, I settled for something more important. I found a bottle close to the kitchen - not too close, but within view - and, bending down over it, I peeked at Indiana - she pretended not to notice. I was pretending to be inspecting the bottle, but: I couldn't do it: I had to smile. So I looked up, and Indiana was already smiling. She winked at me. I laughed. I opened the bottle carefully. Giving myself a healthy dose, I went to my mistress.

– Title 3, Regarding a Dream, Chapter 3, The Third Day, Part 2, Prayer & The Reformation, Section 12, Approaching Individuals in a Group Setting, Paragraph 7

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Usage of Kitchen in Tsiga Tsiga Tsiga

Bullets whizzing by a statue of Nikola Tesla

A collection of stories featuring a sexy Parisian ghost, a spooky Moon base full of vagina-faced aliens, a policeman with an Irish name, a truck full of watermelons, a flautist, and a man who has to see another man about a diseased horse.

Pepsi came back. She untied them. She invited them to the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink? How about tea?"

"I'd love some. Clark, would you like some tea?"

"If it's got sugar in it-I have a headache."

They passed a room. There was a crowd of boys arguing around a television set.

– from “Two Dudes and a Chinese Desert,” a friendship story featuring hot, dry weather

Ferrari had to be careful. Sometimes Lorenzo was passing through the kitchen. Once, he almost jumped right on top of him. He had held himself up at the last moment, scratching up his back side. Dropping right behind the boy, he was afraid he would turn around. He didn't.

– from “Italy Sucks and Has Sucked For A Long Time,” an adventure story featuring a frank discussion of what it means to rebel

Tatum shook her head. "I'll stay here for a while."

"Are you sure? There is a risk to your health with no weight room."

"There's an ergometer on the tenth floor. There's a kitchen and supplies. I'll be fine."

"You will forgive me for repeating my question. Are the woman and the child safe?"

"A friend of mine drove them to Pf Chang."

"Mr. Channing?"

"That's right."

"You'll be wanting to keep that gun?"

"If you don't mind."

"I do. It's material evidence."

– from “Dirty Manga People Are Disgusting,” a spooky story featuring a mysterious force

They were a man's legs. They were two thick pegs that the drunkest, poorest pirate in the quietest corner of Tortuga would only have dared wear at night. They had no shapeliness whatsoever. If not for the fact that Dorothea could afford a fully staffed kitchen, she would have pounded meat with them.

– from “A Horse Named Clutch Bag,” an inspiring story about obedience

The first time he returned, he could hear a flaut being played in the hall. Going around through the garden, he walked onto the back porch. In the kitchen, he could see his stepmother kneeling on the floor, grasping her enormous breasts. She was squeezing milk into a deep bowl. He cleared his throat. His stepmother looked up. Staring blankly, she made no attempt to lift the chemise gathered around her ample waist.

– from “Italy Sucks and Has Sucked For A Long Time,” an adventure story featuring an attractive stepmother

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Usage of Kitchen in Sorry Ms. Jackson

Chiseled letters from an ancient stone tablet hanging on a wall

A real play. With drama in it. Talk fast. It takes two hours. Set in a guest house. In a small community. After a murder. Lots of suspicion. The characters learn to listen to each other. It's funny.

AT RISE: KOKOMO is wiping up the floor.

KOKOMO: Clean. Clean. Clean. We are obsessed by cleaning. If space is a giant vacuum, why does all the dust settle here: underneath the table? Why not in the middle of the floor? Where I can see it? Where I can wipe it up with my feet? We know perfectly well why, don't we, Kokomo? Master Fletcher can't be bothered to take off his shoes. Thanks to him, it's: 'wipe the floor, Kokomo.' Yes, Ms. Jackson. 'Clean the kitchen, girl.' Yes, Ms. Jackson. 'When is lunch, dear?' I don't know, Ms. Jackson. Honestly, where does all this dust come from? What am I supposed to do with it? There really is no sense in cleaning more than once a month. Let the moon show when it's time to clean. Ms. Jackson certainly doesn't know. She would have me clean my way right into an early grave. Kokomo was not built for dust. She was built for love.

MS. JACKSON: (off) Kokomo!

KOKOMO: Yes, Ms. Jackson.

– ACT I, lines 1-3

(KOKOMO moans offstage.)

MS. JACKSON: What was that?

LESBIAN: What was what?

MS. JACKSON: That noise.

LESBIAN: What?

MS. JACKSON: Was that you?

LESBIAN: No.

MS. JACKSON: It sounded like a woman moaning. It came from the kitchen.

LESBIAN: You're imagining things.

– ACT I, lines 920-927

KOKOMO: (off) I'm a big girl: I can handle it. Just push it in.

GREY GOOSE: (off) The hole's not big enough.

KOKOMO: (off) I'm pulling it apart. Just stick it in.

MS. JACKSON: My God. They're having sex in my kitchen.

LESBIAN: You don't know that.

MS. JACKSON: What else could it be? My husband's been trying to get into my cook's panties since the day I hired her: the lecherous old goat. Homo!

LESBIAN: What?

MS. JACKSON: Go in there.

LESBIAN: Me?

MS. JACKSON: Yes.

– ACT I, lines 937-946

ALICE: How do you manage?

KOKOMO: With gourmet coffee, with freshly baked strudel, and with sweets: when they put you in charge of the kitchen, the world is yours.

ALICE: Don't they look at the bill?

KOKOMO: Deciphering a budget one no longer handles is more difficult than knowing the composition of a meal one has never cooked. If you can make trevally taste like wahoo, you can make dimes turn into dollars.

ALICE: Are you saying we had trevally for lunch?

KOKOMO: Everybody thought it was wahoo.

ALICE: I wish I could cook meals. I'm not very domestic.

KOKOMO: I had to learn the hard way. My mother was sick for a long time.

ALICE: I'm sorry to hear that.

KOKOMO: She's better now.

– ACT I, lines 820-829

(LESBIAN tries to comfort MS. JACKSON.)

MS. JACKSON: Don't touch me! Oh, my God: I'm sorry, Homo. Please forgive me. I'm beside myself.

LESBIAN: What can I do?

MS. JACKSON: There's nothing you can do. I married a miscreant; I gave birth to a rogue; I brought a Jezebel into my employment!

LESBIAN: Calm down.

MS. JACKSON: How can I be calm when my family is having an orgy in my kitchen?

LESBIAN: I'll put a stop to this.

MS. JACKSON: Homo, I'm ruined. I'm finished. I'll never be respected again.

LESBIAN: Not if I have anything to do with it.

MS. JACKSON: What are you going to do?

– ACT I, lines 1027-1035

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Usage of Kitchen in Miscellaneous Dingbats

The title of the book at the end of a string of miscellaneous dingbats

A story book full of short fiction stories. An interesting bedtime mystery. A fairy tale. Science fiction romance. Adult life. Uninspiring gay fiction. Horror.

Khalifa was the first to break. It wasn't enough to be harassed and called dirty chocolate. When his neighbors found out he was a Muslim, a gang of hooligans came to his apartment and attacked him in broad daylight. He had to jump out of his kitchen window to get away. He lived on the fourth floor. He died in hospital a few days later.

– from “A Black Man in Moscow,” an inspirational story that represents the real lives of certain people, though the details are fictional

A retired mathematician lived on Profile directly across from the hill. He specialized in probability theory. One day while sipping a cup of tea in his kitchen he realized that two mail trucks coming down the hill on two separate roads that met at the bottom and had to stop to service boxes at the exact same spot could potentially be rolling down the hill at the same time and if one carrier wasn't careful enough could be observed engaging in a significant but nevertheless comical collision. The professor happened to be, as Mark knew from his mail, an amateur photographer. He set about recording the times at which he observed the carriers proceeding up the hill and the times at which he observed them coming down. He noticed that if both regular carriers were on duty a collision would never occur. Both of them were too slow. But if one particularly fast substitute carrier, namely Mark, was coupled with the other regular carrier, namely Bill, he could calculate the probability of a collision based on the times at which he saw them climbing up the hill. This excited the professor immensely.

– from “Wrong Again,” a success story about things we don't like to think about that unfortunately exist in real life

I killed a cat. It was an accident. I was trying to cut its fur. I wanted to show Kelly the ugliness of a shaved pussy. I don't deserve two years of prison for it. Cruelty to animals is nothing next to how humans treat each other. They put me in the same prison I used to guard. At the very least I know which of these bitches aren't shaved. Those are the ones I can fuck. Even when I was a kid I couldn't stand a bare floor. All the blood stains and grime and guts on the linoleum in the kitchen. It was disgusting. It always curled up at the edges. Like Kelly's toes. As soon as I get out of here I'll find that girl. I'll get her the biggest razor I can find.

– from “Two Years,” an adult fiction story about a lady at a women's prison

Grandmother blushed. "You mean, look up a chimney? I'm afraid there was only one chimney in the house where I grew up. It was in the kitchen, next to the table, which, by midnight, was always surrounded by drunk men. They wanted me to do it. They said, 'Reinhard is on the roof. Go quickly. Look up. Don't forget to take off your clothes.' You have to understand, Reinhard was the ugliest man in town."

– from “St. Andrew's Eve,” a story of love that may ease one's nerves depending on your outlook

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Collocation of Kitchen in the Fiction Corpus

Table of Collocation for the Word "Kitchen."

This table lists in descending order of frequency a selection of word pairs that appear in the Fiction Corpus and groups them according to the morphological derivation of the word kitchen that appears in the pair.

TypeWORDFrequency
TOTAL # of occurencesMCDONALDSJESUSSEXTSIGAJACKSONDINGBATS
modern/sloppybiblical/tersepoetic/high-browhard/fasttalkymixed salad
--------
I have yet to perform a collocation analysis of "kitchen." I hope I can get it done sometime soon. -Michal

Love is the answer...

What are we waiting for? Let's accept it!

Are you a eunuch?

The art show that defies abuse

Filth, Portraiture

Censorship says everything...as should modern wall art

It's natural to hide dirty things. They're embarrassing. But we need to keep in mind that when we hide things that are difficult, we make them seem dirty when they're really something else entirely. And when we keep things that are easy in plain sight, we make them seem clean when they really aren't. That is dangerous.

A miniature portrait of MichalMargo at the beach

Help maintain the "Kitchen" page up and running...

If you love women and art...

Michal's importing Polish art...is he bats?

Michal's Sales Pitch
Lot 1: Silesian Handicrafts

  1. T-shirt fundraiser for sale

    Handcrafted t-shirt fundraiser for sale.

    Last T-Shirt with the logo that I designed. Pointer

    From a set of, I believe, twenty produced by Margo and given out to a portion of the last 20 women to finish the 20th anniversary Fiat Road Race in Bielsko-Biała, cf. the movie. This is the last one left in it's original packaging and my supporters - like the poor women of Bielsko - are going to have to fight for it. Whoever invests the most money with me, and who lets me borrow it to invest in the next lot, will not only be rewarded with some beautiful piece of art, but will get this priceless t-shirt as a reward for being my top supporter. $1000.00 or best offer. Remember to authorize me to hold the sum as credit against a future purchase and to authorize me to borrow against it.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #1 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  2. Felt handbag for sale

    Handcrafted felt handbag for sale.

    Felt bag by Dorota. Pointer

    Entirely hand-sewn. Base: polyester felt, 100% PE. Motif: South American woolen yarn, dyed, 100% wool. Hand-worked with a needle. Unique and inimitable design. Inside: cotton fabric, closes with zipper, inside pocket. Available now for $220.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #2 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  3. Decorative collar for sale

    Handcrafted decorative collar for sale.

    Decorative collar by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Ethnic layered cloth jewelry constructed on a cotton base and adorned with ribbons, tassels, and a yellow fringe. Fastened on the side with 11 buttons, fitted entirely with a pleasant lining. The style is an Indo-Asian-African multinational color combination. The collar is very extravagant and an extraordinary addition to any clothing, guaranteed to attract attention. Just a simple dress and a unique image is ready. Dry-cleaning recommended. Available now for $200.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #3 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  4. Seamless handbag for sale

    Handcrafted seamless handbag for sale.

    Handbag by Sylwia. Pointer

    Handmade from felted all-natural Australian and South American wool. Entirely felted, seamless. Finished with a white lining, inside is a small pocket. Lining is sewn and stitched in by hand. Available now for $180.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #4 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  5. Patchwork quilt for sale

    Handcrafted patchwork quilt for sale.

    Patchwork quilt by Alicja. Pointer

    Bedspread made of cotton and polyester material. Inserted with polyester lining. 90 by 70 cm. Available now for $120.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #5 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  6. Nuno-felt shawl for sale

    Handcrafted nuno-felt shawl for sale.

    Shawl by Sylwia. Pointer

    Scarf made ​​with the nuno felting technique (wet felting fibre into a silk gauze) using South American wool. Two-sided scarf with latticework at the ends. Wholly in the colors red, black, green in an abstract pattern. Available now for $100.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #6 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  7. Clara the doll for sale

    Handcrafted clara the doll for sale.

    Clara by Alicja. Pointer

    Clara loves roses and greenery, adores tormenting spiders with long legs and sleeping soundly in the afternoon. Cuddly toy made of cotton and polyester, stuffed with polyester lining. Available now for $70.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #7 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  8. Noah the doll for sale

    Handcrafted noah the doll for sale.

    Noah by Alicja. Pointer

    Noah doesn't know what to like and what not to like but keeps wondering and thinking about it. Cuddly toy made of cotton and polyester, stuffed with polyester lining. Available now for $70.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #8 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  9. Black suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted black suspenders for sale.

    Black suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders from black material with a rose motif on one side and striped cotton on the other. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #9 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  10. Orange suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted orange suspenders for sale.

    Orange suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders made of denim and orange material with a Polish floral folk design. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #10 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  11. Green suspenders for sale

    Handcrafted green suspenders for sale.

    Green suspenders by Zuzanna. Pointer

    Two-sided suspenders made of denim and green material with a mountain folk design. Connected by a leather triangle. Adjustable length. Hand washing in cold water recommended. Available now for $50.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #11 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  12. Felt earrings for sale

    Handcrafted felt earrings for sale.

    Felt earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: South American woolen yarn, dyed, 100% wool. Hand-worked with a needle. Pendant of anti-allergenic metal. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #12 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  13. Round ceramic earrings for sale

    Handcrafted round ceramic earrings for sale.

    Round ceramic earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: Glazed ceramics, hand-molded. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #13 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  14. Oblong ceramic earrings for sale

    Handcrafted oblong ceramic earrings for sale.

    Oblong ceramic earrings by Dorota. Pointer

    Material: Glazed ceramics, hand-molded. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #14 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

  15. 'Coral' necklace for sale

    Handcrafted 'coral' necklace for sale.

    Corals by Sylwia. Pointer

    Necklace made ​​of cotton pieces with organdy and decorated with beads, suspended on cotton strings. Can be worn as a necklace, as a brooch or as a belt tied at the side. Available now for $40.00. Ships free of additional charge via USPS (uninsured) unless otherwise directed.

    To purchase please mail a USPS money order in an envelope clearly marked Lot #1/Item #15 to M. Slaby at house number 201 on Ridge Road in the town of West Milford, in the state of New Jersey, one of the beautiful United States of America. The postal code is 07480-3112.

Handcrafted t-shirt fundraiser
Handcrafted felt handbag
Handcrafted decorative collar
Handcrafted seamless handbag
Handcrafted patchwork quilt
Handcrafted nuno-felt shawl
Handcrafted clara the doll
Handcrafted noah the doll
Handcrafted black suspenders
Handcrafted orange suspenders
Handcrafted green suspenders
Handcrafted felt earrings
Handcrafted round ceramic earrings
Handcrafted oblong ceramic earrings
Handcrafted 'coral' necklace